The Insanity of Revenge
by Ai Zhao Dao
Summary: Widowed and left with nothing but a gun and the need for vengeance Misato starts hunting for the man responsible for her grief. But how can you find a face you've never seen? How long can she continue this life before she loses her self as well?


**The Insanity of Revenge**

Disclaimer:I own seven dollars

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A/N: Hey guys, it's been a while, huh. Yeah, school, music, sports, trips, all that usual stuff blah, blah. So since I haven't updated in a while I decided to put this up. It's actually short story that I had to do for school that has been converted to "Evangelism..." yeah, bad joke. If any of you have read my other stuff this is a little different from my usual humor since you know, it was for school. Oh, and I'm warning you know that this is kinda psycho. Anywayz, I'll shut up now so you can... ENJOI!

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I knew what I did once I shut the door. In all honesty, I really wasn't all that shocked when I looked down at the gun in my hand pointed towards the bloodied bodies strewn across the floor. Then again, I have been doing this for the past couple of weeks, I guess I must've grown accustomed to the sight of corpses somewhere along the way. To put it in short, these past few weeks have been pretty hectic.

Before leaving the room I decided to give the room a quick search. There have been a few situations where I've been tricked into killing the wrong people so I decided to inspect the rest of the room to make sure that I wasn't set up for a trap. Fortunately for me, nothing raised my suspicion. A sigh escaped my lips as I turned around to leave, but I was stopped by a familiar figure standing in the doorway. That person was woman in her late twenties with flowing violet hair and deep brown eyes; in others words, me.

"Okay, either I'm going crazy or I have an identical twin that no one ever told me about," I scoffed, staring at a mirror image of myself standing before me.

By the smirk on her face I could tell that she was not to stall me, but merely mock to me. "If you ask me, I'd place my bet on the crazy card," said my twin bluntly. I froze. I didn't expect her to answer back. It would've been fine if she just stood there because then I would've thought that I was hallucinating from all of the stress. But now I was beginning to question my sanity. My twin may be right about the crazy thing.

"I know this is going to be stupid of me to ask but, who are you?"

She laughed at the absurdity of the question, as would I if I were in her position, then looked me straight in the eye. "Don't tell me you can't recognize me. Has the past couple of weeks been so traumatic that you can't even remember who you are?" She was right, although I knew what I was looking at there was something unfamiliar in her eyes. I couldn't find that familiar vigor and joy that would spark in my eyes when I with my husband. All I could find was a void of anguish and contempt. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul. I never believed any of that romantic crap, I'm not that kind of girl. But when I peered into those dull eyes I could see a void of where everything that mattered used to be. My home, my life, my love, and now my sanity was leaving me as well.

"So tell me," said my double as she strolled over to the dead bodies, "what exactly have these men done to you to deserve such a horrible fate?" She crouched down and examined the miserable faces of my latest victims.

That tone of sarcasm in her voice made me want to strangle her so badly. But I couldn't let her taunting get to me and make me lose my temper, that exactly what she wants me to do. I looked over their faces and remembered that fateful day two weeks ago that led me to all this. "They screwed me over."

She looked up at me from her position on the floor with an amused look plastered wide across her face "They?" she questioned. "If I remember right there was only one man that was responsible for your husband's death. You don't even know who it was that killed him, do you?"

I hesitated for a second. "No, I don't know who it was." There was no use in lying and trying to fool myself, literally. As much as I hated to admit it, I didn't have a single clue to help me track down the man that I was looking for.

"And you decide to overcome this 'minor setback' by targeting every criminal in the city." I rolled my eyes, confirming that her comment was correct. My double burst out in laughter, which only helped to shorten my temper even further. "A very well laid out plan! I've got to say, they're going to be looking to recruit your strategic abilities in the military."

Fed up with all of this nonsense I turned around and headed towards the door. "This is ridiculous. I don't have to listen to you, you're not even real." I reached for the door knob but my double was there again, leaning against the door. I growled in frustration. "What do you want from me? Why are you getting in my way?"

"You have that figure that out on your own. After all, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." She stared me straight in the eye.

I finally gave in and realized that I wouldn't be able to go on if she kept popping up out of nowhere and distracting me. "Fine. You want to talk, we'll talk." I pulled up a chair from the table where my victims were playing poker before I entered the room. I waited for my double to start deriding me once more. To my surprise she kept silent, but still had the smug look that I really wanted to knock off her face. Tension began filled the air as I grew more and more impatient with each passing second, wondering why I was letting someone imaginary control me.

"Tell me again," said my double as she ran a hand through her hair, "how do you plan on finding that one man when you don't even know who it is?"

"I never said that I had a plan." In fact I didn't have a plan at all. So far all I've done was track down some of the most notorious criminals and kill them. "What does it matter. If I keep this up I'll find him eventually."

She smiled. "And what about all of these men that are innocent?"

"Innocent? All of these men are better off dead. There's nothing innocent about them, even if they aren't who I'm looking for I'm still doing the world a favor." I peered over at the men laying on the floor. The one in the brown slacks and track jacket lying in the corner of the room was Makoto Shishio, a former boxer whose bad drinking habit led him to theft and murder. The heavy set man in the middle of the room in the jeans and white tank was Katsuhiko Jinnai, a rapist who was cleared of over thirty convictions thanks to the help of his connections with power and the corruption of the law. And last, the man in the black suit at my feet was Vincent Volaju, a notorious drug lord who once commanded a tremendous power over the city until he was betrayed by his right hand man. I was lucky enough to catch them as they were all laughing, drunk out of their minds. If not, I'd probably be lying dead on the ground instead of them.

My double shook her head. "That's your excuse, huh. Your husband would be proud," she said grinning ear to ear. "I can seen him now watching you from above as your kill countless number of men for his sake. He must be so honored to have you turn into a serial killer just to avenge his death"

"Shut up," I said as my hand started to curl itself into a fist.

"How happy he must be to see you now. Killing people here and there for no real reason. You're as much as a criminal as any of the men that you've killed!" She began laughing hysterically. That's when I completely lost it and stuck my gun right next to her temple. "What? Are you going to shoot me too? Look at me I'm committing suicide!" She just kept on laughing.

Her hysterical laughter echoed deep into my head and rattled my mind. "You're insane," I said.

"Me?" she questioned. "You're the one that's threatening to kill a figment of your imagination!"

As I held her against the door, ready to pull the trigger I saw the emptiness swirling in her eyes and remembered the reason why I was still alive. If Kaji hadn't protected me that day I wouldn't be in this situation right now. What did I have to show as my thanks? The blood on my hands and putting myself into dangerous situations over and over again. I withdrew my gun and released my double from my grip. I looked up at her, the grin of satisfaction was wiped clear off her face and was replaced by a somber expression.

"Unfortunate things happen all the time, but you have to learn to let go and move on. That's how we become stronger," said my double. "If you continue to hold on to it you'll be haunted by it forever and your regret will eat you up. Be thankful for what you have and the lessons you learn from your misfortunes." She lowered her head in reverence and stepped to the side to allow me through the door.

I laughed as I reached for the knob. "Who knew that you were capable of such inspiring, although corny, words." I expected some kind of retort, and when I heard none I turned around to find that my double had disappeared. I shrugged and walked out of the door. As I made my way out of the building I began to wonder why I was here in the first place. At first I believed that I would feel relieved after avenging my husband's death but that never happened. With each man killed I could feel myself becoming numbed to emotion. Each man just another target, another monstrosity the world would be better off without. It didn't matter if I wasn't making progress as long as I was doing something to help me feel complete. If I could prevent others from suffering as much as I had, then that in itself was enough to keep me going.

The bittersweet taste of revenge. What a cliché. The taste that would linger in my mouth for the rest of my life. The satisfaction of watching the suffering of one who has offended you and the guilt of causing this suffering. But I couldn't continue on this path for the rest of my life. For the past few weeks I've done nothing but hunt down a bunch of possibilities. For the past few weeks I've thrown my everything into finding a man who I know nothing about. Now that I think about it, I realize how stupid I was. I was obsessing over something that I had no control over.

As I opened the door to my car I thought about my encounter today. If it wasn't for those couple of minutes of insanity I may not have been able to understand what I've been doing to myself. I've accomplished nothing with this hell-bent path of revenge except lower myself to the level of those that I so desperately hated. I had become nothing more than a cold-blooded killer.

So ends my reign of terror. I laughed as I tossed my gun into the glove compartment. In all my life I never thought that I would find the fact that I killed so pointlessly so hilarious. As I slid down into my seat and placed my hands over my face I could hear my laughter growing louder. Anyone who would've walked by would've been frightened by the laughter that seemed to come from the recesses of my contorted psyche. Oh God, I really have lost it.

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A/N: So yes, if anyone is confused this is a fic about Misato trying to make herself feel better after someone killed Kaji. This is also the first time that I've written from a first person point of view, woo! Yay for trying new things! Anywayz, thanks for taking the time to read my story and if you want you can leave a review, hehe!


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